Just a regular Monday evening

This isn’t a premeditated post. I feel it’s been a little while since I’ve come on here just to write about something that wasn’t particularly important or serious…you know just a regular shmegular chat about life and living. So let start with where I am right now. Sitting on my bed, legs crossed, still in my work clothes (lol my mum won’t be too pleased), belt unbuckled because dinner needs to settle and this bra is about to clock out of her shift because comfort is key friends. I had a to-do list for this evening but I also kinda knew I wasn’t really going to get around to much. I’ve spoken to a couple people lately about how I feel like I am not being productive outside of work. Maybe it’s a temporary thing or maybe I need to stop being lazy and actually do the things I need to do. I guess me writing this post is one of those things.

Which reminds me and I’m not sure how these two things are related but I need to create a budget for this year if I’m going to meet my financial target at all! It’s so funny how quickly money leaves your account when you’re not tracking every dollar spent. Ever wondered where the slang “cake” as it refers to money came from? weird.

I had a couple weird dreams last night. Don’t judge me but I think its partly because I slept in some of my “Outside” clothes. Dreams are a funny thing. You know it can’t be real but that doesn’t stop you from being fully immersed. I guess that brings up the difference between dreams and thoughts or maybe even dreams and perception. You know your perception is only one aspect of a larger reality but that doesn’t stop you from defending it as if it were the whole truth. Does that mean dreams are the same? One perspective of a larger reality?

Some times I wonder if we think any more and I mean really think. Remember when you were little and learning to wear your shoes for the first time? okay maybe not the first time but that experience as a whole. I remember thinking really hard about why switching which foot I wore my shoes on made such a difference in my comfort. I remember thinking about why I couldn’t read the reflection of my hand writing in a mirror but if I wrote on the mirror I would be able to read it.

Sometimes we should pause

Yea I know it’s been said a thousand times before but really just pause and listen. Watch the dust fall. Blink hard. Be present. Avocado <Ha! you didn’t see that coming did you?

Writing like this is particularly fun for me. I’m not concerned about being clear or succinct or using a bunch of fancy words to impress you. I’m just writing as it rolls in my mind. mmm sushi.

Kay I’m done now. Follow your dreams people ๐Ÿ™‚ Unless your dream is to be a bad person then you know maybe reconsider

Haha okay I’m done for real.

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Ntokon | DIY high waisted wide leg pants

Red wide leg pants and a conversation on confidence

Heya!

Yes you my address me as the associate VP of the Pepper Dem Gang. For those of you who may not be familiar, “Pepper dem” references a state of being wherein your slay is so severe that it is heartburn inducing. Marinate. On. That. Hunnay!

Remember the overalls I made for my brother? Yea that experience came in super handy with this project. I mean check me out, coming through with that front fly zipper. Trust me when I say the process of learning how to do this was grueling but look at me approaching this with so much confidence now. Also, looking back at some of the pants or shorts I made in the past and comparing them to this, talk about a progress!

Speaking of confidence, I was at a women’s conference recently and something that the speaker said really stood out to me. She said -and I am paraphrasing a little- as a woman, you need to understand the space you occupy and the value you bring. I let that sink in a little because it one of those things “you know” but I had to question how often I fail to apply these principles

For me, understanding the space I occupy means understanding my strengths and weaknesses for what they are. I’m a great listener, pretty insightful, resourceful, creative, intelligent, cute in the face and funny too. I am also often inconsistent and undisciplined, a little lazy with a tendency to wallow in self pity once stressed and not great at taking criticism (even when it’s coming from me to me – seriously, this portion of the post is aggravating me already). All of these things and more; good, bad or somewhere in between make a pretty amazing person and it important for me to move through my daily interactions with theย  consciousness of who I am.

The other side to this is understanding the value I bring. Yea it’s one thing to take a personality test and say “ugh that’s so me” but so what? How does being me with all my quirks and dazzle impact the people in my life and the work that I do? Understanding who I am allows me to assert myself in my space. My strengths allow me support and uplift my friends and family and my weaknesses could be a source of inspiration if I let them or at the very least a recurring joke between me and the people who love me. Of course as my social reach expands, so does the impact of my being.

Another key portion of all of this for me being Christian, is the understanding of not just who I am but Whose I am and what that means.ย  I was carefully crafted by God with a unique purpose. Then not only did He make me, He loves me. That’s a pretty big deal to me because the way I see it, He looked at me and thought “Wow, I did a really good job with this one.” Soooooo, if you think about it, I already got the seal of approval from the manufacturer which would make me an asset just about anywhere!

I think bringing all these pieces together is where I find confidence. This is where I find the strength to try again after failing because my worth is not in the outcomes of an isolated event but rather grounded in the unique truth of my awesomeness. I’ll try to remember these things the next time I stop sewing because I think I suck at it or when I fail to speak up at work because I think someone else would have a better suggestion to bring forward.

This does not mean I’ll always be right or that everything I touch will always turn to gold but the confidence (and courage) to keep pressing on and trying better each time, that’s true excellence.

Pictures by Willyverse